Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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