my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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