Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
