I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
