ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
