I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
