Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
