He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
