Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Randomize
