Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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