he thought i was a dude.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
