You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm like, not good at living.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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