Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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