My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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