i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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