What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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