My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
