Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
