You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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