i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
