he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
