We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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