im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
