Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
