i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
