she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
