I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
