Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
