I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
