I'm eating all of the evidence.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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