I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
