K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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