Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
