There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
