tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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