i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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