Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
