I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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