any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
