I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
