dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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