just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
