i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
