So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
