remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
