So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
