It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
