she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This house was built for laser tag.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
