I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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