It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
