Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
